Tom Ridge, our old buddy at Fatherland Security, is making noises that he may walk after the election because he needs more money than his $175k/year gig at Fatherland produces.

Okay, first of all, and I freely admit I never met the man, I think he’s about as useful as a hibachi on a submarine. This man’s public persona is limited to a Crayola-inspired warning system and pimping duct tape and plastic sheeting. Now, Im sure he’s doing alot behind the scenes that you and I will never know about but this smacks of pre-emptive CYA. How so? The election is coming up and we *know* theres gonna be a terrorist incident of some kind…exactly the sort of thing Ridge’s Raiders are s’posed to prevent. So Tommy makes noises about leaving *now* so that when terrorists machine gun a busload of delegates and the spotlight gets shined on Ridge he can say “Well, I was planning to leave anyway”.

This Orwellian habit of naming things so innocuously (Patriot Act, Homeland Security, free-speech zone, etc) has got to stop. Theres exactly one free-speech zone in this country and its bordered by the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.
Its coming. You know its gonna happen. You’ve had that ‘somethings wrong’ feeling for a while now but you dont know what it is. Lemme tell you you what it is. Its your subconcscious. While youre in your cubicle surfing porn, eating take out, driving home, reading the paper, watching tv your subconscious picks up a thousand different clues that you dont even notice. ‘Hey, there was never a cop stationed at that subway platform before’, ‘Hmmm…I dont remember there being concrete barricades outside City Hall before’, ‘I wonder when the fire department got those cool spacesuits’, etc. You dont notice it but your subconscious does…and thats where that vague undefined sense of unease is coming from. Each little clue to the upcoming Interesting Times is seemingly insignificant by itself..but two hundred of them add up to a ‘hey, maybe I should worry about this’. Solution: be ready.
Product pimping: “Charmin To Go” Yes, the Zero is talking about ‘bathroom tissue’. This is a roll of Charmin toilet paper that is in a plastic cylindircal tube, has no hollow cardboard tube, and the protective plastic tube its in acts as a dispenser. 210″x4.5″ – 55 normal sized sheets. Less space than a usual roll, better than using the little packets of Kleenex, and alot easier to pack in a 72-hour kit. No, I will not be evaluating it and posting a report. Its toilet paper – if you dont know how it works, stay the hell out of my kitchen.

16 thoughts on “

  1. My boyfriend thinks I’m nuts, but I’ve spent the past few weeks starting to work on our preparedness–home stockpile, bug-out bag, etc. Inspired by none other than the Commander. 🙂

  2. This Orwellian habit of naming things so innocuously (Patriot Act, Homeland Security, free-speech zone, etc) has got to stop.

    I think this started when we turned the War Department into the Department of Defense.

    Didja see Kucinich making noises about forming a Department of Peace?

  3. If we’re going to do that sort of nonsense we might as well have a Department of Good News and a Federal Bureau of Nice Days.

    I would, however, like to see a Department of Obliteration… the federal agency tasked with razing a country, salting the earth and striking its existence from the history books.

  4. And while you’re at it, save some bile for good old Norm Minetta, who’d rather grandma and grampa were strip-searched than possibly offend some young middle-eastern types…

  5. And yet it’s okay to use Census data to start figuring out where the highest Arab populations in the US are….

  6. Generally, I just take a regular sized roll of charmin and flatten that fucker. That seems to work ok for me, and it’s not difficult to find a replacement roll.

  7. It comes in cheaper versions at Wal-Mart, too. It’s the shizzle. No pun, etc.

    If the WAWKI ends while I’m in Missoula, is there anything in particular I should bring?

  8. The Commander says two things:

    1. Your own women.

    2. A map of all the secret underground storage facilities for Mormons living in Montana.


  9. 1) Plural? I’ve asked if she wants to come – she’s wisely, and carefully, noncommittal. 😉

    1a) The WB simply can’t make it.

    2) I wish there were some. Look in the phone book under “Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints – Bishop’s Storehouse.”

    Actually, I was thinking more of guns. I can’t imagine visiting you guys for three days and not shooting. 🙂

  10. We’re definitely up for a trip to the range. 🙂 You can shoot anything we have, and bring whatever we don’t. 🙂

  11. My Bug-Out Bag already has the “camping” version of the Charmin travel toilet paper. Along with a 50 count package of all purpose wipes for bathing on the go and toothpaste, tooth brushes, deodorant and two clean pairs of boxers and socks. I don’t wanna put up with any of that Mad Max bullshit without feeling fresh and clean. Got to remain civilized, even under the worst conditions.

    All of those things, along with all the other survival gear I keep stuffing in there has my Jansport backpack just about bursting at the seems. What I need now is a bigger backpack to stuff this stuff in as well as more stuff that I might need. Any ideas on what to choose? External or internal frame? I saw some Alice packs at the local Army Navy Surplus store for about $100. Something like that would allow me to carry a sleeping bag and foam mattress. And extra ammo.

    You should make a post about what you pack in your 72 hour bag. How much of each, how big of a bag, etc. I know I would be very interested in seeing what you’ve packed.

  12. A medium-size alice pack w/ frame is a great start. The frame is handy but you can still carry the bag without the frame if need be. Dont pay more than $50 for one. Check gunshows and garage sales.

    If youre going to spend $100 (actually $110) go to Tactical Tailor and get their 3-Day Pack. Best daypack-type bag Ive ever seen.

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