Tom Ridge, toilet paper

Originally published at Notes from the bunker…. You can comment here or there.

Tom Ridge, our old buddy at Fatherland Security, is making noises that he may walk after the election because he needs more money than his $175k/year gig at Fatherland produces.

Okay, first of all, and I freely admit I never met the man, I think he’s about as useful as a hibachi on a submarine. This man’s public persona is limited to a Crayola-inspired warning system and pimping duct tape and plastic sheeting. Now, Im sure he’s doing alot behind the scenes that you and I will never know about but this smacks of pre-emptive CYA. How so? The election is coming up and we *know* theres gonna be a terrorist incident of some kind…exactly the sort of thing Ridge’s Raiders are s’posed to prevent. So Tommy makes noises about leaving *now* so that when terrorists machine gun a busload of delegates and the spotlight gets shined on Ridge he can say “Well, I was planning to leave anyway”.

This Orwellian habit of naming things so innocuously (Patriot Act, Homeland Security, free-speech zone, etc) has got to stop. Theres exactly one free-speech zone in this country and its bordered by the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.
Its coming. You know its gonna happen. You’ve had that ’somethings wrong’ feeling for a while now but you dont know what it is. Lemme tell you you what it is. Its your subconcscious. While youre in your cubicle surfing porn, eating take out, driving home, reading the paper, watching tv your subconscious picks up a thousand different clues that you dont even notice. ‘Hey, there was never a cop stationed at that subway platform before’, ‘Hmmm…I dont remember there being concrete barricades outside City Hall before’, ‘I wonder when the fire department got those cool spacesuits’, etc. You dont notice it but your subconscious does…and thats where that vague undefined sense of unease is coming from. Each little clue to the upcoming Interesting Times is seemingly insignificant by itself..but two hundred of them add up to a ‘hey, maybe I should worry about this’. Solution: be ready.
Product pimping: “Charmin To Go” Yes, the Zero is talking about ‘bathroom tissue’. This is a roll of Charmin toilet paper that is in a plastic cylindircal tube, has no hollow cardboard tube, and the protective plastic tube its in acts as a dispenser. 210″x4.5″ – 55 normal sized sheets. Less space than a usual roll, better than using the little packets of Kleenex, and alot easier to pack in a 72-hour kit. No, I will not be evaluating it and posting a report. Its toilet paper – if you dont know how it works, stay the hell out of my kitchen.