Originally published at Notes from the bunker…. You can comment here or there.
I was perusing things over at tslrf.blogspot.com and one of the guys there was saying how he’s getting married and that because of this his expenditures on preparedness will have to take a backseat to…well, whatever it is about getting married that takes precedence over having a safe and secure future. (You’d think chicks would be all over the ‘safety and security’ thing what with their intrinsic nesting streak…what chick wouldn’t want to have the confidence in knowing her home will always have food, light, heat, water and a safe place to sleep?)
Speaking as someone who has recently gotten married, I feel almost qualified to say that the previous notion that marriage /= continuing preparedness falls into the realm of “only if you want it that way”. Presumably, when you meet your future spouse you’re already into the whole preparedness thing so it isn’t like you’re springing it on them. If they’re on board with it before you get married why wouldn’t they be on board with it after you get married? I mean, if you’re spending money foolishly on ‘collector edition’ comic book action figures (“Its an investment, honey!”), Hummel figurines, playing the ponies, or buying a new jet ski every summer then, yeah, you’re probably going to get the smackdown from the now-wife when she decides that the kitchen needs a new dishwasher and why do you need all that junk anyway?
Now, I just got married but I was living with the gal in question for several years beforehand. We have drums of rice, mountains of MRE’s, enough ammo to start (and end) a war, gallons and gallons of fuel, an entire wall full of freezedrieds and why we have them and why it’s important to me was made quite clear up front. This is something I do, I do it for these reasons, its something I feel strongly about and Im not going to stop doing it. Love me, love my bunker. Unsurprisingly, she’s okay with it. There are things we would like to have but our progressing levels of preparedness either don’t really keep us from having those things or, if they do, then we agree that being prepared is more important. (And a very big part of being prepared is not taking on debt without some careful thought. Sure, a $3000 HD TV would be nice. But if we suffer a [medical emergency/job loss/house fire/family crisis/layoff] wouldn’t we rather have that $3k available for our more important needs?)
Admittedly, we’re in a unique situation from many couples. We don’t have to worry about kids, we have no debt other than a very small mortgage, and we generally live pretty well within our means. But my point is that right off the bat the girlfriend knew this was an interest of mine and that it wasn’t something I was going just give up and I certainly wasn’t going to feel I had to defend or justify what I was doing. You like to eat? You like having heat? You enjoy being safe and secure? Then I’m not going to change, mkay? (I generally give that very short explanation on those rare occasions I discuss this with ‘outsiders’ and, usually, I don’t give a rat’s ass if people think I’m nuts or not as long as they don’t try to stop me.)
The people who come to this game late, those who already have a spouse and kids, probably have the cards stacked against them. The kids roll their eyes about dad’s new weird hobby or giggle about why mom is stuffing rice into mylar bags and shoving it in the closet. Of course, the kids aren’t that much of a problem, it’s the spouse who’ll make it tough. If they aren’t on board then you get ‘the look’ every time you take $50 and spend it on “stuff we’ll never [eat/use/need]”. To be fair, you don’t necessarily have to have a spouse (or significant other/partner) be %100 on board, you just need them to not be against you. If you cant get acceptance and enthusiasm, settle for indifference and apathy. If they’re not on board that’s cool, just so long as they leave you alone to do whatever crazy new hobby you’ve decided on.
As I said, I’m lucky (at least in this regard). I’ve never had the girlfriend-now-wife try to rein me in on the things I’ve done….once in a rare while she may ask why do we [have/need/want] a particular thing and I’ll explain it to her and usually she’ll agree it makes sense and is a good idea. At the same time, I think I do a good job of not going overboard so that probably has a lot to do with it. In fact, she’s been very supportive, often asking “Should we just get a couple cases of these?” and doesn’t ask why we need to keep 50 rolls of TP on hand, why half the groceries we buy disappear into storage, why theres a wall of ammo, why our bookshelves are filled with TM’s, FM’s, and reference books. She knows it’s important to me, that it’s something I do for both our well-being, and she trusts that what I’m doing I’m doing sensibly and responsibly. Because of this, I pretty much don’t have to hide anything. I read about people who have to actually smuggle stuff into their own bloody homes lest the spouse start giving them crap. I cannot imagine that kind of life. Then again, Im fairly unapologetic about who I am at this stage of my life. Why do I have a bunker full of food, guns and fuel? Why? Why don’t you?
Anyway, to get back to my now long derailed point: getting married does not automatically mean that your preparedness lifestyle and spending habits have to come to a halt or be radically curtailed. If it does, then perhaps you should have made sure the other person was on board with all of this before you got serious. (Note Im saying just getting married by itself does not mean things have to change, other things like having kids may necessitate a change, but just being married doesn’t.) Play your cards right and maybe your plans will even be accelerated as your spouse starts contributing their own time, money and resources. When that happens then you’re really prepared.
